The Leash Kid.
Whether at the mall, the park, or the grocery store, the number of leash children is sweeping the nation. Nothing grinds my gears more than seeing a human on a leash. So what is the argument for a child leash?
Ok yeah, it might make keeping up with your child easier, but you know what else does that? Keeping an eye on them like a good parent. Look, if you can't keep up with your child maybe you weren't ready for one. If you go to a suspect place and you are worried about your child running off, either put them in a stroller or keep them at home. It isn't that hard.
The leash-child is one of the most oppressed publics in all of Tennessee, especially the Eastern reaches of the state. The bad parenting of few has bred the false need of treating children like a pit bull. What's next? Telling a Four-year-old that Santa doesn't exist? Kids are going to play. Why yank the chain and pull them from their steed of wonderment? Like I said before. Just keep an eye on them. A watchful eye will prevent the necessity of chaining up a poor kid. Want to irk me? Chain up a kid. You don't chain adults that seemingly can't stay out of trouble -- You don't leash kids.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
#5 - Trash-Talking Girlfriends
We all know them when we see them. Or hear them. We've all seen one present. Go to any high school sports event, any intramural game. You will run into one.
The Trash-Talking Girlfriend.
This scourge of the sports-world is only rivaled in its hideous nature by the boyfriend allowing its antics. Listen, we get it. Of course your boyfriend is better at basketball/football/soccer/tennis/curling/squash. OF COURSE they are.
They are almost as good at any given sport as you are at living vicariously through their success, or maybe garnering validation through their ability. In professional sports, you would generally be referred to as a cleat chaser.
THAT grinds my gears.
The Trash-Talking Girlfriend.
This scourge of the sports-world is only rivaled in its hideous nature by the boyfriend allowing its antics. Listen, we get it. Of course your boyfriend is better at basketball/football/soccer/tennis/curling/squash. OF COURSE they are.
They are almost as good at any given sport as you are at living vicariously through their success, or maybe garnering validation through their ability. In professional sports, you would generally be referred to as a cleat chaser.
THAT grinds my gears.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
#4 - Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino
Ok, I'll admit it. I absolutely loved "Jersey Shore". It was my guiltiest of pleasures. Nothing made me happier than seeing the once-racial slur, Guido, turned into the it-phrase of the new decade. Let's face it, the show was downright impossible not to watch. Every cast member had their quirks, but one rose above all the rest. One rose to the thronedom of Guido, and refuses to let go. That man, lies below.
Mike "The Situation" grinds my gears more than any reality television star around. No, not in a I-want-to-rip-you-to-shreds sort of way. He simply won't disappear. This man has parlayed fist-pumping, womanizing, and his 16-pack abs into a seemingly ludicrous career. Since the show debuted, he has been seen everywhere from daytime talk shows to ESPN.
ESPN is everything I hold dear in life. It is the last remaining sanctuary of television, where sports-loving fans can get their fix. I was appalled to see The Situation on episodes of SportsNation doing "Situation" Analysis. Kudos to you, ESPN, for using this pun in your favor. Shame on you, ESPN, for allowing this man, who obviously knew nothing of the sports world, to be a valued commentator for even a day.
It is a sad day when one can become famous based solely on a cocky attitude and a nickname, or perhaps this is just the perfect storm. For those of you wishing to try YOUR hand at one-upping "The Situation," follow these instructions.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdL75RQu7i4
*Disclaimer - results may vary.
Mike "The Situation" grinds my gears more than any reality television star around. No, not in a I-want-to-rip-you-to-shreds sort of way. He simply won't disappear. This man has parlayed fist-pumping, womanizing, and his 16-pack abs into a seemingly ludicrous career. Since the show debuted, he has been seen everywhere from daytime talk shows to ESPN.
ESPN is everything I hold dear in life. It is the last remaining sanctuary of television, where sports-loving fans can get their fix. I was appalled to see The Situation on episodes of SportsNation doing "Situation" Analysis. Kudos to you, ESPN, for using this pun in your favor. Shame on you, ESPN, for allowing this man, who obviously knew nothing of the sports world, to be a valued commentator for even a day.
It is a sad day when one can become famous based solely on a cocky attitude and a nickname, or perhaps this is just the perfect storm. For those of you wishing to try YOUR hand at one-upping "The Situation," follow these instructions.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdL75RQu7i4
*Disclaimer - results may vary.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
#3 - The "Brett Favre"
First and foremost, I am a sports fan. I was bred to be a fanatic. I like sports in all shapes and sizes, but there is one trend in sports that I just can't stomach. The "Brett Favre."
I am speaking to the rising trend of high-profile athletes retiring, and then reversing their decision shortly after.
Each sport has it's heroes. Those hallowed individuals that deserve a place in history in Canton and Cooperstown, and other various Halls of Fame. But I generally err on the side of traditionalism when it comes to venerable sports figures retiring. They have given us, the fan base, what they can and choose to enjoy retirement knowing they have done right by their sport.
Lately though, people can't seem to do that. Here's a brief list of Waffling athletes.
- Michael Jordan (after his brief baseball stint, and also Wizards fiasco)
- Magic Johnson (I have HIV, oh wait, just kidding I'm not done)
- Roger Clemens (Coined a tradition of Starters waiting til after the All-Star break to sign and play)
- Derrick Mason (retired this offseason, then suddendly decided against it)
- Allen Iverson (I think he retired just to get out of Memphis)
- Brett Favre (Grandaddy of them all. No explanation needed)
What is it about these guys? Granted some of them still have gas in the tank. #23 most certainly had useful years left. Brett Favre has proved his skeptics wrong by putting up career numbers and riding the A.D. train this season. There are a select players who defy the odds and actually make a difference after unretirement, but as I previously mentioned, I believe they should ride off into the sunset.
Some people never win the "big game." Do people think less of Dan Marino for it? Some people get the chance at a fairy tale ended. Nobody blames John Elway for deciding to keep playing, sans ACLs. Atleast he did it right, by not waffling back and forth from the brink. To say for every Barry Sanders is a Brett Favre, or for "Seinfeld" a Rickey Henderson is false.
You don't have to go out on top. Joe Montana was a KC Chief. Johnny Unitas? A San Diego Charger. Babe Ruth got sold to the Braves for crying out loud. These are afterthoughts in the memories of generations of sports fans. Here's the thing. We remember our childhood idols just as they are. Favre is forever a Packer. He would have stayed that way had he walked when he should have. I'll never think any of Fred McGriff as a Brave even though he wasted away his career in Tampa.
It just grinds my gears.
I am speaking to the rising trend of high-profile athletes retiring, and then reversing their decision shortly after.
Each sport has it's heroes. Those hallowed individuals that deserve a place in history in Canton and Cooperstown, and other various Halls of Fame. But I generally err on the side of traditionalism when it comes to venerable sports figures retiring. They have given us, the fan base, what they can and choose to enjoy retirement knowing they have done right by their sport.
Lately though, people can't seem to do that. Here's a brief list of Waffling athletes.
- Michael Jordan (after his brief baseball stint, and also Wizards fiasco)
- Magic Johnson (I have HIV, oh wait, just kidding I'm not done)
- Roger Clemens (Coined a tradition of Starters waiting til after the All-Star break to sign and play)
- Derrick Mason (retired this offseason, then suddendly decided against it)
- Allen Iverson (I think he retired just to get out of Memphis)
- Brett Favre (Grandaddy of them all. No explanation needed)
What is it about these guys? Granted some of them still have gas in the tank. #23 most certainly had useful years left. Brett Favre has proved his skeptics wrong by putting up career numbers and riding the A.D. train this season. There are a select players who defy the odds and actually make a difference after unretirement, but as I previously mentioned, I believe they should ride off into the sunset.
Some people never win the "big game." Do people think less of Dan Marino for it? Some people get the chance at a fairy tale ended. Nobody blames John Elway for deciding to keep playing, sans ACLs. Atleast he did it right, by not waffling back and forth from the brink. To say for every Barry Sanders is a Brett Favre, or for "Seinfeld" a Rickey Henderson is false.
You don't have to go out on top. Joe Montana was a KC Chief. Johnny Unitas? A San Diego Charger. Babe Ruth got sold to the Braves for crying out loud. These are afterthoughts in the memories of generations of sports fans. Here's the thing. We remember our childhood idols just as they are. Favre is forever a Packer. He would have stayed that way had he walked when he should have. I'll never think any of Fred McGriff as a Brave even though he wasted away his career in Tampa.
It just grinds my gears.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
#2 - Dog Clothes
Dog - Noun - a highly variable domestic mammal (Canis familiaris) closely related to the gray wolf.
With that out of the way, let's discuss the most disturbing animal trend in the better part of a century. Doggie clothes.
We've all seen them. The select few in the country that choose to believe a dog's natural coat isn't A) warm enough or B) good enough to show off. Here's the thing, according to the definition of a dog (see above) they are highly capable of staying warm. They are gorgeous creatures sans knit crews. I personally have never seen a wolf running around in a hot-dog bun, but I have seen them in 3 feet of snow, about to jack up an elk. Do you think the direct descentdants of such a honed killing machine need "an extra layer" just because it's below freezing?
Tiny dogs stay inside. Big dogs do whatever the heck they want. It's kind of the rule.
Honestly, this poor thing looks more bathed in shame than bathed in love. With as many children worldwide that are suffering from malnutrition and struggling to keep clothes on their body, who in their right mind could spend X-amount of dollars to stay up-to-date on canine glamour?
Detestable America.
With that out of the way, let's discuss the most disturbing animal trend in the better part of a century. Doggie clothes.
We've all seen them. The select few in the country that choose to believe a dog's natural coat isn't A) warm enough or B) good enough to show off. Here's the thing, according to the definition of a dog (see above) they are highly capable of staying warm. They are gorgeous creatures sans knit crews. I personally have never seen a wolf running around in a hot-dog bun, but I have seen them in 3 feet of snow, about to jack up an elk. Do you think the direct descentdants of such a honed killing machine need "an extra layer" just because it's below freezing?
Tiny dogs stay inside. Big dogs do whatever the heck they want. It's kind of the rule.
Honestly, this poor thing looks more bathed in shame than bathed in love. With as many children worldwide that are suffering from malnutrition and struggling to keep clothes on their body, who in their right mind could spend X-amount of dollars to stay up-to-date on canine glamour?
Detestable America.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Post #1 - Flannel
It's not that flannel really bothers me, moreso the treatment flannel receives. Flannel, put plainly, is God's gift to the masses. From it's humble beginnings in 16th Century Wales, its common association with manly men through the ages, up to its vogue-status of today, flannel has been commonly left by the wayside. This wuunder-fabric just might be the most underappreciated and under-utilized fabric in the history of ever.
Need a reason to wear flannel? Just look at Hugh Jackman in Wolverine: Origins. Need I say more? The fact just simply is that flannel is man's best friend. The old lumberjack stand-by reeks of testosterone and can-do attitude. It also compliments facial hair like none other.
Flannel is also a woman's best friend, whether they know it or not. Girls in flannel instantly warrant attention from males. Why is this? Because if they know of the wonders the fabric does, they are better than an average woman. They also make for great sleepwear. Form and Function. Who can argue with that?
No I'm not asking for a full-on flannel invasion. That was left behind in 1997, and should stay there. I can't understand how this wind-resistant and all-too-comfortable fabric can't get the respect it deserves. That really cranks my gears.
Additionally, Today is the birthday of a very dear friend of mine. I dedicate this post to you, Kasie Breeding.
Need a reason to wear flannel? Just look at Hugh Jackman in Wolverine: Origins. Need I say more? The fact just simply is that flannel is man's best friend. The old lumberjack stand-by reeks of testosterone and can-do attitude. It also compliments facial hair like none other.
Flannel is also a woman's best friend, whether they know it or not. Girls in flannel instantly warrant attention from males. Why is this? Because if they know of the wonders the fabric does, they are better than an average woman. They also make for great sleepwear. Form and Function. Who can argue with that?
No I'm not asking for a full-on flannel invasion. That was left behind in 1997, and should stay there. I can't understand how this wind-resistant and all-too-comfortable fabric can't get the respect it deserves. That really cranks my gears.
Additionally, Today is the birthday of a very dear friend of mine. I dedicate this post to you, Kasie Breeding.
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